David Sedaris

Last night, Christie and I went to see David Sedaris read some of his stories. It was EXCELLENT! I laughed so hard.

Here are some of the things I laughed really hard at:

1. David buying a giant box of condoms with his brother-in-law at the Costco, because he needed something that was individually packaged and light, so he would have presents to give out to teenagers he met on his book tour. He had wanted ibuprofen packages, but Costco didn't have them, so instead he got the giant box of condoms and felt REALLY gay (especially after they added 5 lbs of strawberries to the cart), and figured people were assuming that his brother-in-law was his boyfriend, which he himself had never imaged, but now cannot get it out of his head.
2. Him having places he is at post a sign that says "no pictures" so they look like the jerk, not him, when really it is him who doesn't like to get his picture taken. And on the same book tour that involved the condoms, he was at another Costco, where no one came to see him and looked especially pathetic, because he had a GIANT sign next to him that said "No Photos Please".
3. Saw a lady on TV crying, because her family would not have a very big Christmas due to the economy, his response was basically "it is her own f*cking fault, if she had started shopping in January like I did, her family could still have a Christmas" And his lesson to the audience was to start shopping now, while we still have some money, so if the economy really tanks, you can still have Christmas.
4. He likes the American election process because everyone advertises their party, unlike in France. In his region, an anti-immigration fascist was elected, so he wonders if all his neighbors hate him, because he doesn't know which neighbors voted for the fascist, because there were no lawn signs or bumper stickers. And at least in America "you know if you are sitting next to an a**hole because he has the pin on his lapel to tell you".
5. Still on the elections he noted that being undecided in an election is like trying to choose between "the chicken or human sh*t..with shards of glass in it". The story that contains that line is in the New Yorker this week and apparently they wouldn't let him say "human sh*t" so he changed it to "a platter of sh*t". Either way, very funny.
   
6. Cows are cheap jerks that don't want to buy Christmas presents, so they will choose the turkey that is going to be Christmas dinner as their secret santa.
7. That he really likes the Little America (where he was staying). It is like a "four-star motel" and he likes it better than the "Big America"
8. His impersonation of one of his old professors saying "Nicaragua", "Chicano", "Latino" and "Costa Rica" and that he hates when people (Americans) put the same phony emphasis when speaking French, especially if they are more fluent than he is.
9. That he can name his rabbits whatever the hell he wants, because they are his intruders. For example, one was named "tile", but in French.
10. When it came time to take questions, he had what I like to call a "phone voice" and pointed to the audience saying "yes" and numerous times, he pointed to no one that had their hand raised, and we all laughed at him.
    
11. Also, he thought Doug Fabrizio is the hottest man in public radio and that the rest of them are "toads" or something found under a rock. And Fabrizio is good looking enough to be on TV. (which he does have a show on KUED, so I guess he is a TV/radio guy, not just a radio guy)

There were many, many other things, but those are the things I can remember off the top of my head. And I must say, I was a little bit wary of going, because I figured it wouldn't be as good as the last time I saw him live, but it totally was. And most likely, I will go see him again when he comes back to town.

Oh and he recommended a book by George Saunders. It is a collection of essays titled, "The Braindead Megaphone". I requested it from the library, so I will be reading it when I finish the two books ahead of it. I am betting it will be good. I do remember Mr. Sedaris suggesting a book last time I saw him, but I don't remember what it was and I am betting I didn't read it.

So for those of you, who have not read any of David Sedaris's books, I recommend that you do. But only if you have a sense of humor and aren't offend by things like drugs, swearing, smoking (he did finally quit), hair nests, peeing in your pants ("Thanks, Stadium Pal!), dysfunctional families or gay boys. He really is one of my favorite authors, so I think everyone will like him! (but I understand that some people are sticks in the mud and get offended easily and do not like to read about people's lives that are different from their own)

And FYI. Nova and KPP are doing fine, still not playing, but are interacting more.

PEACE OUT!